In appreciation of the Burrito

The reasoning.

For a long time I have been thinking about writing this. I am finally doing it because I have been inspired by an advertisement that I saw from Fox mountain bike suspension. I the advert that I am referring to, there is a really sweet piece of singletrack heading off into the distance. The singletrack is pitched slightly downhill, and the vantage point of the photo gives the impression that it is going to be 30 or more minutes of sweet descending to get to the bottom. You just know it is going to be epic. At the top of the mountain, perched right on the side of the trail is a Burrito stand. The only caption on the advert is “In a perfect world..”.

That advert says it exactly, a Burrito makes even the best experiences just that much better. It is, after all, the worlds most perfect food.  I intend to prove that to you below.

I don’t know about you, but topping off a great experience with a Burrito is nearly perfection. After a great long road bicycle ride or a great MTB ride or a motorcycle race or… A Burrito really floats my boat. I know Scott and my other riding buddies really get tired of the endless stream of Burritos in my life, but most anything leads to a Burrito. About the only thing that doesn’t lead to a Burrito after doing it, is a roll in the hay with my girl (but this is a family blog, so we will leave that alone).

Burrito vs Pizza

There are a lot of you out there that want to argue about now with me about this. There are some of you who have written in claiming that I am wrong and actually the Pizza is the perfect food.

Well I will agree that the Pizza is very good. A tremendous food. In fact, Pizza nearly qualifies as it’s own food group. Who can argue with thin dough spread out covered with tangy tomato sauce and then garnished with any manner of toppings. It can be eaten with a fork or with your fingers, and on that point it scores just as high as a Burrito. Plus, Pizza is Italian, I have been to Italy and the women there are hot.

But, Pizza looses out to the Burrito in 3 areas.
1. A Burrito is good with almost anything added inside. Burritos can make even something like broccoli inside ok. The measure of a truly exceptional food is one that can make mediocre things tolerable. I just cannot imagine broccoli on Pizza.
2. Both Pizza and a Burrito can be eaten with beer. That is good, because non breakfast foods that cannot be eaten with beer are to be avoided. But, Pizza can also be eaten with wine. Because of that, it is inevitable that someone feels they need to fancy up a Pizza joint, making it a place that one cannot go all muddy after racing your motorcycle. I mean, the term upscale Burrito joint just doesn’t exist. Plus, they can serve chips and salsa with Burritos, (the perfect sidedish – but that is another story all together.)
3. The Pizza takes to long to prepare. When you show up at the non-upscale Burrito place after destroying yourself on a 4 hour MTB ride, you can be tucking into a fat handfull of post ride bliss in about 4 minutes. At the Pizza place you are still waiting for your food after the Burrito guy is stuffed to the gills and farting black beans back in the front seat of the truck. Now that’s living.
4. The 4th reason of the 3 reasons,  My girlie is actually a really good cook. She makes dynamite Italian food, including a really mean Pizza. She gets it from her mom, who was a really excellent cook. I really enjoy making Pizza with her at home. Her Pizza is actually better than anything not made by that hot Italian chef Giada on TV. But here’s the deal, she cannot make a Burrito better than a good Burrito joint. As I said, she is a really good cook. So, that leads me to believe that the Burrito requires a higher level of culinary expertise than the Pizza.

So there you have it, advantage Burrito.

Is the Burrito actually Mexican food?

I think this is a legitimate question. I mean, you can find a burrito when you are in Mexico, but they really are not as good as the Burritos in Texas or California. I think that the Burrito went through a transformation when it migrated north. It transformed and got better.

Sort of like Artimus Prime. Prime is pretty cool as a semi truck, but he is really cool once he transforms into the skating badass that he is as a Transformer.

Transformers appear to be just trucks or cars from some assembly factory on first inspection. But in reality they are from outer space somewhere. That is why I question if the Burrito is really from Mexico. Are they really what they seem?

A wrap is not a Burrito.

Brace yourself. They aren’t. A wrap is someones attempt to fancy up a Burrito. In concept, almost anything wrapped in a tortilla shell should be a good thing. And it is. It isn’t the food itself that makes a wrap inherently less than a Burrito.

A place that serves something called a wrap is putting on airs. The names is trying to trick the people that are looking for an upscale Pizza joint into trying something new. And, generally speaking a wrap doesn’t involve beans and us jus a rolled up sandwich.

No, a wrap is not a Burrito.

Random Burrito notes:

You cannot get a Burrito of any consequence in China.

There is some sort of magic that holds the Burrito all together.  Try it at home, you can never get it all to stay together.

I think I look pretty striking while eating a Burrito.

Dutch people do not do Burrito’s.

My teammate Scott can eat a Chipoltle Burrito in about 3 minutes.

That pretty much sums it all up for me.
The Burrito is hands down the best food there is. (although I do really enjoy a Quiznos sandwich… they are sandwich artists there.)

Time to go have a Burrito.

2 responses to “In appreciation of the Burrito

  1. gnccamateurs

    I guess Joe didn’t know me as well as he thought seeing how he suggests I can’t do Mexican as often as he can. To set the record straight, if given the opportunity I can eat Mexican food at least three times per day (I will not give up my cereal medley each morning, however). So the next time we are on the road, its burritos or bust all day long.

  2. OK Joe….I agree on all points. NOTHING beats a burrito after a ride or a race. BUT you need to qualify that the quality does matter here. I will take a stop at Rocky’s for a super slice over a sup-par Taco Bell burrito in most cases. Time from order to eating are about the same. But I will drive out of my way to stop at Qudoba or Taco John’s. Now I am sure you don’t agree about TJ’s and will argue that Taco John’s and Taco Bell are one and the same…but that is not the case.

    By the way….I am sure that we are not the first, but my brother Marc and I pioneered the post race Taco John’s stop back in the 80’s. We went so far as to carry a tray liner (for a time, they printed all of their locations by State on the linere) in the race van for reference. It was not uncommon to drive 50 miles out of the way with the liner an the map in hand.

    OK….enough on that. Sumter less than 2 months away!! Wahoo!

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